Boundaries and such

 Theory: if you're a people-pleaser and have poor boundaries and people treat you like rubbish, you're not actually doing the person/people you're trying to please any favours, as well as getting hurt yourself. 

If you do bad things to a partner or family member or friend, and you can roll around like a pig in shit in the ways it benefits you and get away with justifying your own bad behaviour to someone you're supposed to love, then that makes you a worse person: it builds on your feeling of entitlement, it actually degrades you somewhere in your psyche, I think, to degrade someone else.

Of course the problem with this framing, it is rather victim-blaming. 

• It's not the victim's responsibility to make the abusive party a better person. 
• It's not their fault that the abusive party chooses to abuse rather than have normal boundaries in the first place. 

I'm tempted by it when a person says they love the abuser and are loved in return, and the abuser would be devastated if they left - and, I guess, the person wants to protect/support/save them, basically. But you're not saving them, you're enabling them to continue rolling around in their own shit. Hmm. 

Is that co-dependence? 

Not sure where I'm going with this anyway.