Loss

 Ex has lost one of his parents over the weekend, so that's sad. (Shower of shit is still funny, but a bit poignant too.) 

The parent-child bond between them may have had its problems, but In-Law was a decent person to me and did their best to accept their awkward daughter-in-law into the family. To be fair, we didn't see a lot of each other as we lived in different countries, so it was easy to have cordial relations! But I cannot fault ex's family throughout, for how they have been to me. 

I guess I'll need to sort out getting the kids to the funeral. I'm not sure what the etiquette is about ex-DILs - I'm sure the family would be welcoming, but it's not really about me, is it? It's about ex having things straightforward at a difficult time. 

It has sparked memories and I do wonder, sometimes, why ex didn't just let me go? There were times in our relationship that I was ready to give up and he persuaded or begged me to stay. Yet he must have known that he didn't want the same things I did, and that we didn't work, and what our relationship had to offer was never enough for him, or never felt like it. 

I just don't get it.

Looking at his life now, he's got the kind of lifestyle he wanted and it looks like it's all worked out for the best for him, for both of us. I don't understand why he held on and made such a fuss about us splitting up. He could have had all that years ago if he'd stopped trying to convince me to stay with him. We could have both been happier sooner.