Green

 Once in a while, I get the urge to Write: you know, like a novel, like "everyone has a book in them", like there's a story I could tell, not just blogging random stuff or dodgy poetry. I was quite proud a fortnight ago when I wrote a couple of thousand words of this opus. 

And then, I'm back to thinking, I don't know enough, and, let's be frightfully honest, darling, I can't face the actual work of research or even plotting it out, I don't really know where it's going. I regret telling my bf that I did some writing because he asked me about it and I didn't really know how to answer most of his questions about it, as a half-formed idea, so it kind of put me off. Plus the more I think about it, the more derivative it feels and someone has no doubt done it better already. 

Whereas, there's an acquaintance of mine who has just knocked out a novel in about a week and seems bursting with confidence and enthusiasm about it, and she's already started the next in the series. This morning I read a post from her bemoaning her writer's block. What are you even talking about? You've written an entire book in a matter of days, part of another, and you've been blocked for about five minutes! 

Am I envious? Yeah, a wee bit - the apparently boundless confidence to write whatever and put it out there. 

I guess, a few years ago, I did actually start sharing some of my bits of creative writing online, and that went OK with a limited audience and all. I got a real kick out of it when it was well-received and it was a positive kind of environment where if you don't like it, you don't say so. (Is that positive? Hmm, to be considered). 

I moved some of it here when I left that online community a couple of years ago. Note that I have labelled it five-minute-poetry and so forth, which is a way of getting in there before someone else can, isn't it? Not exactly brimming with confidence in the work. Not but what it truly was pretty quickly done, because if I go back over things too much, I overthink and there it sticks, never to be seen again. Which might not be a bad thing, frankly. 

I know if I want to write, I need to just do it. It's really entirely up to me.