My mistake

My mistake was coming out of the public loos before my friends. I've never been the kind of girl who chats in the loos. If i hadn't come out first, maybe he wouldn't have fixated on me.

My mistake was replying pleasantly when he spoke to me. If I had ignored him, told him to fuck off, known to run then. But I didn't. (He didn't have a 'fucking thug' label on his forehead.)

My mistake was me and my friends starting to walk back to my friend's house. We'd decided to walk beforehand, it wasn't far, there were three of us, it's a small town. I should have known to go back to town and get a taxi instead. Cos I should have known he'd follow me.

My mistake was to be polite though i was uncomfortable. He kept walking with us: I was telling him he should go back into town, to the taxi rank, he's going the wrong direction.

My mistake was when we hesitated which way to go - my friend wanted to go the backways, try to lose him - I wanted to stick to the main street where it was well-lit and traffic going past.

My mistake was not knowing to run or fight the instant that he realised I was trying to ditch him. So next thing I knew he punched me to the ground and banged my head repeatedly against a post, and one friend was trying to pull him off me, while the other went running for help.

My mistake was being stunned and just crumpling instead of fighting back like The motherfucking Bride.

I don't know if had I reacted more strongly earlier whether he have gone away or kicked my shit in sooner. I rather suspect only taking him home and fucking him would have been enough to placate him. But I certainly had nothing to lose by being rude. At any point.

And fuck that guy, and fuck the second guessing, cos the only one guilty of anything there _was_ that guy.

There's no magic formula for dealing with someone like that, and you can't tell who is like that. I certainly didn't have the life experience at that age (19) anyway. You can only do what seems right at the time.