Saturday, May 15, 2010

Heal the word

Oh, just been reading a post on a message board, advising people to make up any rifts they have within their families; their relatives had a falling-out and one of them died before it was resolved.

Yeah, well, it's all very well, and it is a good theory, but sometimes things are unfixable. If it's a trivial argument, it's obvious you should try to resolve it and not let something petty stand between you.

But if it's deep-seated, sometimes there is no resolution and it's trite & annoying to say make an effort, swallow your pride. Sometimes you've already swallowed your pride so much, you've none left.

Some things require both sides to co-operate. You can paint over the cracks if you're both willing to pretend they're not there. Sometimes the other person won't go even that far. Sometimes the other person is willing and it works for a while, but you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop and one day the drunken phonecalls and abusive texts start rolling in.

You can accept that the other person is never going to live up to your expectations, and if you choose to keep them in your life, try to keep the bits that hurt you in a separate box. But that's not perfect, either. But you can't change people, so all you can do is try to protect yourself best you can.

I dunno, that post just pressed my buttons this morning. Learn from this, the poster seemed to be saying. It's all just stubbornness and pride. The way it was titled made it an imperative: "heal family rifts before it's too late" or some such.

But it isn't that easy.


Anonymous said...

Wise words.

It's like, well you could make up with them and keep short accounts, but you also know you're bullshitting yourself, and you know that the future will come up and bite you on the ass, because difficult family relationships lead to difficult grief, but maybe that's just how it has to be for you, and it's too simplistic to say "I will make up just in case they croak and I want to have an easy grieving process." You have to live your life now and not worry about the tribulations of tomorrow, they will come, that's a given, but you have to assume you'll have strength enough on that day to deal with it and not worry about it in the meantime. Abster x

Mephitis said...