Friday, November 03, 2006

Good reasons for divorce

I can think of lots of reasons for divorce that seem well justified: serial infidelity, domestic violence, mental cruelty, child abuse, developing a hatred of the spouse. :D

But "loving someone but not being 'in love' with him/her" is one that throws me. It seems to me that there is a lot to work with in that situation, especially if there are children in the marriage. Surely there's a chance of rekindling those fires if you have a solid basis of affection and love for one another?

I suppose unless you're in that situation you can't know how it feels, but it seems, on the face of it, a bit of a frivolous reason to end a marriage.

I'm not sure what being "in love" entails if it isn't the same as loving someone. Is it the frisson of excitement, butterflies in the stomach, infatuation sort of thing? Because I don't think that stays as intense no matter who it is. This ain't Hollywood, people.

After a few years of washing someone's underpants and digging their hair out of the plug-hole, it's going to be less of a roller-coaster. It's inevitable. I still consider myself in love with my husband, however. We can finish each other's sentences a lot of the time but he can still surprise and enthrall me.

Ah well, not sure where I'm going with this.


Abby said...

I totally agree. It takes two to make a marriage work. Sometimes you might hate him, but next day he might say something funny and you fall in lov all over again. So to end a marriage is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, a bit like suicide. You can always work at a marriage, you just both need to believe in it. And to see yourself as staying with him for the long haul.


Aaliya said...

Funny how us rational people can think like this. Anyone want the chance to talk to my husband and help him to see a marriage takes work rather than hitting a rough patch and running as fast as you can away from it.
I've been out of work for some time and just as i get my feet back under me and find something new, he decides he wants to end it. How do you fix that without becoming a serial stalker or a extremely needy and undesirable human being?

Mephitis said...

Oh, I'm sorry to hear it.

Anonymous said...

Abby I totally agree with you. My wife and i have two kids and have been married for 6 months and she already wants a divorce becuase there is a lack of "chemistry" intrest on her part. WHAT!!! I don't see how that's a good enough reason. I take my vows very seriously, especially the " for better or for worse" part.

Anonymous said...

My wife left me for her high school sweetheart. She was pregnant with his baby, and she told me she didn't love me anymore. THat certainly is obvious isn't it. Our son that was abandoned doesn't love her anymore so she now knows how it feels.