3 pieces of advice

First:

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time” - Maya Angelou

It’s harder than you might think to follow. We’re supposed to give the benefit of the doubt and give chances… and hope is a wonderful thing. But hey, moderation in all things: even hope.

Does it mean run like hell the first time you see something you don’t like? I don’t know, but it’s certainly take it into consideration. I don’t know if it’s a lesson I’ve learnt, it’s a lesson I have had demonstrated to me repeatedly in different ways with different people and apparently it didn’t stick. But there’s time.

Second:

“Do right” - my granny

I come from a line of strong women. Domineering women. Admirable women. Flinty women.

My gran was one such. She was formidable, a stereotypical Yorkshire horsewoman, hard as nails and stonily judgemental. (She had some flaws too!) Carved from granite, brittle as ice.

She combined an outspoken harshness with an oddly passive-aggressive treatment of us, her family, and an aching sweetness rarely glimpsed. My mum is like her sometimes - but deathly afraid of that side of her character.

Me too. Me too. That fear at least helps control it.

But what she had was grit. She was the kind of woman who would break bones hunting, but finish the day out nonetheless. I don’t agree with fox-hunting so let’s not get into that, but believe me, she would have, and would never concede an inch on that (or anything).

She taught her daughters and grand-children to ride - and to have grit.

I was taught that you never ever let go of the reins if you fall from your horse, no matter what. The only time I can remember her being truly proud of me was after I was dragged halfway up a country lane, my pony having shied at a plastic bag. I should have been paying more attention obviously, but by god, I had grit.

Literally. Embedded from knee to thigh.

So “do right”. Do right, do right, do right. That’s more of an admonishment than a piece of advice, and so so hard, especially when you’re sometimes almost cripplingly aware of your own weaknesses of character.

Stick by your principles, whatever they might be.

Strive to be better than you are.

Thirdly:

“Never give unsolicited advice” - I forget who