Wednesday, December 04, 2013

Lessons I was taught

These are the lessons that men taught me, personally or through my friends, when I was a young woman.

  • That being shy is an invitation to be sexually bullied in class.
  • That walking home in school uniform is an opening to shriek sexual words from cars.
  • That saying no nicely means he keeps trying.
  • That saying no bluntly is a cause for name-calling and spite.
  • That silence is consent.
  • That fucking him willingly lessens me and makes me an object of his ridicule and disgust.
  • That not fucking him makes me a tease. And being a tease deserves to be taught a lesson.
  • That accepting a drink means I owe him my time and likely a fuck.
  • That not accepting a drink means I'm a stuck-up bitch.
  • That trying to go home without him after flirting is reason to be pushed against a signpost and punched to the ground.
  • That flirting is an invitation to climb through the window later and sexually assault me while I sleep.
  • That breaking up with him for 'no reason' (because I wasn't happy) means I need to keep explaining. And keep explaining. And keep explaining.
  • That cheating on him justifies him breaking down my door and terrorising me.
These are just some of the lessons I was taught before I was 25. 

It's not the whole of my experience by any means, and I've treated some men badly, I admit freely - but when I see people complaining about Schroedinger's rapist, enthusiastic consent and other related feminist thought, I think of these things.

Off-topic: Song of the day - "La la la" by Naughty Boy

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