Saturday, January 23, 2010


A while back I was fighting off the black dog again, which as a description of depression doesn't work for me as well as it once did, bringing to mind Gary Oldman instead, but never mind.

Anyway, being pretty self-contained and reserved as a rule, I didn't really want to make a big deal out of it, so maybe I'm the author of my own discontent. I shouldn't be that surprised or disappointed that no-one ran around going whoo whoo and shaking their pom-poms for me, when I minimise this way.

Thing is, if the tables are turned, I try to make more of an effort to let people know I care, but it doesn't seem to be reciprocated. I do find it rather tiresome when it feels like I do all the running.

I mean, why bother using up emotional energy on people who don't even say from time to time, "But enough about me, how are you doing?"

Perhaps I'm being unfair. Perhaps I'm doing that thing of setting traps for people and being all pissy with them when they fall into them, which is self-defeating, and oo-er, passive-aggressive. The sensible thing to do when you're not getting reciprocity or the responses you'd like is to tell those it applies to, and hope they respond to it.

Harbouring mild* resentment and waiting to see them fail the invisible standards you've set them is probably the very definition of passive-aggressive. Having established that, you know, I daresay I should build a bridge and get over it.

On the other hand, perhaps I'm minimising again.

* Doesn't have to be mild, could be massive, depends where on the scale you are.


Ellie said...

Hope you are feeling better now - winter is a b***h.

Sorry I haven't popped by to read your blog for a while, always enjoy reading your take on things.

Mephitis said...

Thanks :).

Twizi said...

Howdi, hope all's going well. I don't always have time for things but I do like to pop by and read your blog.
I think if it's friends not reciprocating then perhaps a word with them... after all they are friends aren't they? I often end up kicking myself because I've got caught up and not remembered to say "Thanks for the wotsit" or "how did it go?". I'll never grudge a nudge if I've been a bit memememe.

Mephitis said...

Thanks, and no no it's not you! :)

I just don't think I've the energy left.