Saturday, January 17, 2009

An imposter in my own life

It's the time of year that I start thinking about going to my father's grave again. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to do this, but I have for the last few years. He died when I was very young, so I don't remember him and it seems a fraudulent sentimentality.

There's nothing there, just green stones. It would make more sense logically to go and visit my Grandfather's grave, if grave-visiting is sense at all, since at least I knew him well and miss him still. But I never have the least inclination to go there.

I think it's partly out of childhood traditions I cling to nostalgically, like sticky toffee puddings by the fire. But there's more to it also.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Nothing fraudulent about it, he gave you half of your DNA. I'm curious about him and he's not even my Dad. I mean, where you get your looks from, what you and he had in common etc. It's interesting. So do it, and don't feel bad about it. Abster x

primitivepeople said...

Yup - I can understand it too.

My dad died when I was 20 so I remember him very well, but...I know practically nothing about his ancestors or family history, and as a result I feel like I don't know anything about where I came from. It's natural to wonder about these things, even if feeling sentimental about it doesn't entirely make sense.

ellie said...

Once every few years I visit my grandfathers grave, who died before I was born - my dad used to take me when I was little and it meant a lot to him, I suspect that's why I do it. Perhaps its similar with you, or not - but I don't think it's fraudulent at all.

Mephitis said...

Thanks. :)