Saturday, January 17, 2009

An imposter in my own life

It's the time of year that I start thinking about going to my father's grave again. I'm not sure why I feel compelled to do this, but I have for the last few years. He died when I was very young, so I don't remember him and it seems a fraudulent sentimentality.

There's nothing there, just green stones. It would make more sense logically to go and visit my Grandfather's grave, if grave-visiting is sense at all, since at least I knew him well and miss him still. But I never have the least inclination to go there.

I think it's partly out of childhood traditions I cling to nostalgically, like sticky toffee puddings by the fire. But there's more to it also.


Anonymous said...

Nothing fraudulent about it, he gave you half of your DNA. I'm curious about him and he's not even my Dad. I mean, where you get your looks from, what you and he had in common etc. It's interesting. So do it, and don't feel bad about it. Abster x

Anonymous said...

Yup - I can understand it too.

My dad died when I was 20 so I remember him very well, but...I know practically nothing about his ancestors or family history, and as a result I feel like I don't know anything about where I came from. It's natural to wonder about these things, even if feeling sentimental about it doesn't entirely make sense.

ellie said...

Once every few years I visit my grandfathers grave, who died before I was born - my dad used to take me when I was little and it meant a lot to him, I suspect that's why I do it. Perhaps its similar with you, or not - but I don't think it's fraudulent at all.

Mephitis said...

Thanks. :)