Monday, May 15, 2006

When I'm feeling blue

I had a terrible day yesterday. I think it's based on anxiety about the future. Mum, stepdad and C went into town on Saturday and stopped by our pub-to-be. They were really enthusiastic about how it looks and its situation.

This ought to make me happy, but I'm scared and down-hearted. I'm not looking forward to moving again. I'm dreading packing and cleaning - and then unpacking and trying to find places for all our crap. I've done it all so many times.

I'm not looking forward to having to get S to her school from the new place everyday, and at the same time, I'm not looking forward to getting her placed somewhere nearer for year 2. It seems so bloody unfair for her to have to start over, and I'll be sad for her to lose her best friend, M. Maybe we'll be able to keep the friendship going - she could see her at weekends still, I guess. I don't know how well it will sustain without the school in common.

But I'm not sure whether it's practical to keep her in her present school? After all, it would make it difficult to see her friends after school, or certainly less desirable to the parents for them to visit her at her place. Although she could see them at my Mum's, I suppose. If she went to school locally, it'd be more likely she'd make friends she could see more often.

It's not like we're moving a million miles away, but I think convenience has a lot to do with friendships (and more to the point at this age) parental enabling of friendships.

But it is a good opportunity, although it bears the usual risks of pub managing (ie. getting your place sold out from under you).

And it is not as though we can stay here indefinitely. Sometime D will want to get cracking on renovation of this place and will want to move in herself, presumably.

It's a case of wanting to hide in a darkened room, with my fingers in my ears, going "La la la, I'm not listening, I can't hear you".

I don't like it! I don't like it!
[Monkey: 'Monkey turns Nursemaid' (He's stuck under a mountain, being fed melted copper)]

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